Leia’s Story
Do I look alright? She was always so critical of my looks, the way I wore my hair, my clothes. Don’t know where she thinks she came from Miss high and mighty! We came from the same womb. Today I did not want a fight. I wanted only be in the same place with my sister who I had not seen for 20 years.
No sideways looks at my beat-up pair of shorts or comfy T-shirt, ‘I miss my T-shirt already’. This pair of fancy pants were just not me. But it was her birthday I was doing this for her. Her daughter had called me and begged that I drive down for the celebration. My little sister was turning 50 and her 2 kids wanted as much family there as they could manage.
We were not close and my little sister was the bossiest most intolerant person I knew and somehow, no matter what, we always ended up in a huge fight. We have actually not seen each other in over 20 years. I mostly kept in touch through my mom. But my mother was getting old and Josie was the only sister I had or was ever going to have. ‘Time to try to be nice!’
She didn’t like my car either, but that one she would have to tolerate because there was no way I was leaving my baby behind. She had seen me through some tough times over the years and she would see me through this as well. My Midnight blue 1998 Toyota with a temperamental sunroof right down the middle would be ready for a quick escape. I slid into the seat after checking the oil and every other system on the Toyota. I recognised my diligence for what it was, an attempt to postpone the inevitable. It was too late to back out. My mother had called me a few hours earlier just to reconfirm I was coming. I think she wanted to see her girls together again just as much as I did not want to go.
We lived only 3 hours away from each other but I always managed to schedule my trips when Josie was away or when she was very busy. Lucky Am I😊.
The last time the entire family was together was on my mother’s 55th birthday cruise. I had been planning it for the past year and was happy that we had been able to co-ordinate a date and finally able to have a real reunion for my mother. Her younger brother and sister were both able to be there with their families, cousins I had not seen since we were children. From day one Josie attempted to reschedule some of the activities which had been planned and approved. She did not agree with some of the times and tried to reschedule a few things. The family knowing how we could get tried to mediate and change some things around but somethings could not be changed as it fit into the ships schedule. Whatever she did not want to do she boycotted. It was all voluntary but she insisted to voice her displeasure and let every know when she was not going to be a function. The last straw was at the final family dinner, which was at a local St Lucian Restaurant. The entire menu had been changed. This menu had several family favourites and a few dishes from our Native Island of St. Lucia. Me and the chef had also taken into consideration the allergies and dislikes of all 58 of our family members. All of the international dishes had been cancelled and replaced with only local St Lucian dishes. Half of the family did not eat local dishes as they had grown up in Abbotsford and other surrounding areas in BC Canada, where my grandmother had settled over 30 years ago when my mother was only 18. I was Livid but Josie insisted that she was right to change it. Since we were in St. Lucia and should eat the local food. There was a lot of shouting and I left and told her since she changed everything, she should also pay for everything. No one else had money because I had told them This dinner was my treat to them all and especially to my mother. For the rest of the cruise home my family were peacekeepers between us and did everything they could to keep us apart. After that I promised myself to never put myself and the family through that again. Since then, I had kept my distance and did not attend family get togethers preferring to have single dinners or afternoons with different family members at different times.
I speak to my niece and nephews a few times a year but try to keep it to a minimum as to not bias them or create problems with their mom.
This had been our story through my teenage years and young adulthood. I can remember several times when we almost came to blows over who would do what and where things should go. Josie and I used to share a room and being the little sister she of course was always in my things no matter what it was. I could never find my shorts or my favourite tops. And a few times she even borrowed my underwear. Not to mention my lip glosses which were always disappearing. I chuckled to myself while passing through Langley on the way to Maple Ridge remembering the time I had put very hot pepper in my lip-gloss and she had tried it. Her lips burned and she cried for hours afterwards. She could not run to our mother though because she always told my mother she never used my stuff.
When we shared the same bed, she was afraid of the dark so she would cuddle up to me as much as possible till I would kick her. Most times when I woke up, I was squashed in the corner while she had almost the entire double bed in front. Sometimes she would sneak only her foot over to make sure some part of us was touching while sleeping. 😊
There were so many different ways Josie and I fought growing up, we may have even invented a few that were used just by us. I used to move her fork out her way when she ate dinner. She used to hide one side of my shoe so I was looking for it for ages.
As a teenager one of my favourite days was without my little sister. We were in St. Lucia on an annual vacation and she was out with my mother visiting friends. I sat all day sitting on a cherry tree branch reading with no interruptions. It was so quiet and peaceful. There were not many peaceful memories with Josie around. I began to wonder if maybe I had let the bad out way the good. We are sisters, we must have shared a joke or had something in common. She liked Drama I liked Sci-Fi. She liked to dress up I liked to dress down. She had always wanted a family. I never wanted to get married.
I just wish she accepted me for who I am and did not look down on me so much all the time.
Josie’s Side
Family had begun arriving already. It was a steady stream of cousins from all around British Columbia. For the first time I appreciated how much we had spread around the province. There were also a few who had moved out of BC, to Alberta and Prince Edward Island. My kids had planned a huge celebration for my birthday and I was not supposed to lift a finger. If only they knew how difficult that was for me. I was only supposed to sit, greet guests and family and just have fun for the day. An idea which had been dismissed once I learned that Leia was going to be there. I loved my sister. She was my big sister but we did not get along at all.
Leia was so casual and carefree and always doing what she wanted. It was infuriating. My mother had let it slip that she was coming, I think it was supposed to be a great surprise since we had not spoken for 20 years.
My daughter and son were the exact opposite of my relationship with my sister. I tried to ensure this when they were growing up. Encouraged them to be fair and kind to each other. Their relationship may also have been because they were not both girls. I would hope that I would have been unbiased but you never know I may have leaned towards the younger sister, having had that perspective. I tried to teach them that they were all they had. My philosophy is you should never have to bury a parent alone. I saw how supportive my mother’s sibling were with each other when my grandmother passed. I wanted that for them. I was not so sure that Leia and I could be so supportive of each other if we needed to be.
I was now a nervous wreck just thinking about what our reunion would be like. My mother looked very excited. I know that they spoke often and saw each other regularly so I have no idea why this reunion would excite her. She was part of the reason we did not speak. If she did not take Leia’s side all the time, we would be fine.
We had this beautiful garden for the rest of the day and evening. My kids had chosen a great spot. The last time so many family members were together was that horrible cruise. It was my mother’s 55th birthday and having a cruise was my idea. I thought it would be good to try to get everyone together after my grandmother passed in St. Lucia. And a cruise was more economical for everyone rather than hotels on the island. It was almost a year since her passing and it would have been a wonderful tribute to all she had accomplished for her family. From the instant I made the suggestion I was pushed aside and Leia began planning the cruise. She did a great job co-ordinating schedules but never once asked what I wanted to do or how I wanted to do it. As usual everything had to be her way, and everyone else went along with it. I should have at least had some input since it was my idea and this was our mother’s birthday. I contacted the chef for the final dinner and he agreed to change the menu. He loved the idea of only St Lucian dishes to honour my grandmother, he mentioned that he had suggested it as well but he thought the group wanted something more diverse. I did not tell my mother or sister because I knew my mother would not back me up. The night was horrible! Leia never tried the food and yelled and screamed because of the changes and stormed out. The mood was killed after that but we all tried to eat and I paid the chef with a generous tip for his trouble. The rest of the cruise was horrible and I kept my distance from Leia because I was disappointed in her behaviour and this trip. It should have been us as sisters hosting but it was all about her. I had kept away from most family functions after this. I began to understand what kind of person she was and that she really did not care what I wanted or cared to ask.
Growing up we were inseparable. Sure, we argued and fought sometimes almost coming to blows but I loved hanging around her. She was so smart and her friends were great, they always welcomed me and made me part of the crowd. When she met her first boyfriend she changed. She was about 14 and all of a sudden, she did not want me around at all. Once she even put pepper in her lip-gloss and my mouth burned for hours. I was shocked that my sister did that to me. But it was just a prank so I forgave her.
My favourite day when we were little were Sundays. We would spend the morning watching cartoons then maybe go outside and play with our dolls or bring the radio outside and dance all around the yard. If it was raining even better, then we either stayed in all day watching TV and playing games or we danced in the rain. Leia was my comfort and role model while growing up and I would have followed her anywhere.😊
I always wished we had remained close and kept reaching out to her often to meet for dinner or lunch but she always said no. Which was probably a good thing since by the time we were adults we fought so much, but I still missed her. Life changed and I got busier when I had a family so we drifted further apart until that awful cruise. And that was the last straw. I knew that I would never matter to her and my opinion would always be nothing.
I wondered when she would arrive. Almost everyone was here already and she still was not here yet. The waiting made my anxiety worse. I was not sure whether I wanted to see her or not. We had taken such different paths in life and had nothing in common but our mother. She hardly even spoke with my children.
I just wish she valued my opinion and did not look down on me so much all the time.
Leia: As I drove into the parking lot, I had to keep reminding myself to breathe, to calm down, everything will be fine. No matter what she says I will not rise to the bait. I am only here to have fun with family. I was very late as I had taken the long ay and had not driven that fast. Parked my midnight blue Toyota and took a few cleansing breathes before heading into the garden.
Josie: If she does not show up soon, I can relax because then I know she will not be coming. It was getting later it was almost dinner time now. I know mom would be disappointed but I began to feel the stress of anticipation leave my body and a real smile appear on my face. It would be a relaxing dinner after all.
It was immediately apparent when Leia arrived. The entire atmosphere of the party changed and the whispers rippled from the entrance all the way to the guest of honour. Leia had entered through the garden gate and was making her way to Josie while saying hello and hugging to a few close family members. Soon the estranged sisters stood face to face. Leia lifted her hand and lightly touched Josie’s arm and drew her little sister in for an all-encompassing, effusive, full body and soul, hug.
When the sisters finally drew apart there were a few tears in the eyes of a few family members including theirs.
“Happy Birthday Josie!”
“Thank you, I am glad you came, I missed you.”
The two sisters stayed near each other for the remainder of the evening.
Do I Look Alright?